When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
