I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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