Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
