Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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