One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
