i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
