Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
