I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
