come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
