The maid of honor just puked.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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