does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
