just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
They have beer where we have blood.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
His nipple licking is glorious
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