Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
