You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
