Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
