Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
