3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
