That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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