When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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