How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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