sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
