Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
