i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
