I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
