Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
