she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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