i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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