Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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