I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
