My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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