i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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