Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
