i can't believe i had my finger in that
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
