I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
