I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
