i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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