i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
