my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
