i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
