Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
