it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
