I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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