Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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