he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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