It was confusing and full of hummus
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
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I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
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Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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