Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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