my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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