Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
