yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
