u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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