I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
