I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
