If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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