Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize