omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
