i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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