you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
