I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
