so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
