he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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