So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
