I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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