she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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