I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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