So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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