I could make wine with my vomit
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
