waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Two words: blizzard sex
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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