the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
