Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
