he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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