Well douche your snatch and let's go!
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
