Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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