Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
