so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Sext me about skeletons
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
