One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
