Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize